On changing your mind

When I was a little girl, I thought I was going to be a doctor. My dad had suffered a fairly serious car accident before I was born, and I wanted to fix him. I was going to be an orthopaedic surgeon.

Then calculus happened.

When I was in my early twenties, I thought I was going to be a doctor, but of the sociological variety. I was taken under the wing of a professor who groomed me, gave me a job, and generally used me up.

We parted on amicable (if superficial) terms, and I dropped out of grad school.

After the birth of my son I wanted to be a midwife.

Then physiology 101 happened. And being a mom.

Now I'm a seamstress for theatre. If you're having a hard time following the thread of commonality here, I don't blame you. There's only one, and it's me. These were all interests that I had that I pursued until I couldn't. Until I changed my mind.

There's a lot of people in the world who will present changing your mind as a bad thing. That it shows a lack of consistency, or courage of your convictions. I say this is bullshit. You know who doesn't change their mind? Bigots. The world is a changeable place, and it has no place for consistency.

When you become a new parent, there's a lot of pressure to make up your mind on a lot of issues, and quickly. Some of them, like education, you have 4-6 years to contemplate. Others, like how the hell to get this baby to sleep, happen a little more urgently. There are people who will tell you no matter what you do, that you're endangering your child. Likewise, there are a similar camp that will tell you you're doing the best thing for your child because you chose it. Understandably, we prefer to listen to the latter.

But what about when we choose one path, and we realize we should have chosen another. What about when information changes, as it always does in this wonderful, excessively researched world of ours? Should we steadfastly stand by what we originally decided, a sick feeling in our stomach? Historically, that's what we all did. Changes of parenting philosophy occurred between generations, not within them.

Now that I know you've read this far, I'll bust it out, against my better judgement: I'm talking about vaccinations.

I'm not going to go into the data. There's lots of people who have written about that, for both camps. I have my own beliefs on the subject, and that's pro-vaccination. I don't think that people who don't vaccinate are bad people, or bad parents. What I'm afraid of is that when we change our minds, we can't admit it. It's not too late to vaccinate your kids, and it's not proof that you're inconsistent. If you still feel confident in your choice not to vaccinate, I'm happy for you, but this post is not for you.

Now, I did decide to vaccinate both my kids, so lest you think I can't come down off my high horse, I'll leave you with this: When our son was a baby, we decided to circumcise. It was an awful, traumatic experience for him. I hated it, my husband hated it. We both felt guilty that it happened to our little person, just two weeks old, by our own decision. They strapped him down to a board that had an indentation of a baby's body on it with the legs spread. He bled and cried and anyone who claims it is otherwise must have had a very difference experience than we did. It felt barbaric. I had to leave. My son, who I was supposed to protect was left to be cut by a scalpel. Since that time, we've changed our minds on circumcision. We'll have to answer to our son on that, at one point. We can't reverse the procedure.

Vaccination, happily, is not like that. So, if you've changed your mind on anything, it's not a bad thing. It proves you're evolving as a person, moving and shifting along with an ever-uncertain world. And if you change your mind pro-vax or even anti-vax, I'm proud of you.

For what it's worth, this coulda-woulda doctor, sociologist, midwife, and actual seamstress is proud.