When I was a little girl, I thought I
was going to be a doctor. My dad had suffered a fairly serious car
accident before I was born, and I wanted to fix him. I was going to
be an orthopaedic surgeon.
Then calculus happened.
When I was in my early twenties, I
thought I was going to be a doctor, but of the sociological variety.
I was taken under the wing of a professor who groomed me, gave me a
job, and generally used me up.
We parted on amicable (if superficial)
terms, and I dropped out of grad school.
After the birth of my son I wanted to
be a midwife.
Then physiology 101 happened. And being
a mom.
Now I'm a seamstress for theatre. If
you're having a hard time following the thread of commonality here, I
don't blame you. There's only one, and it's me. These were all
interests that I had that I pursued until I couldn't. Until I changed
my mind.
There's a lot of people in the world
who will present changing your mind as a bad thing. That it shows a
lack of consistency, or courage of your convictions. I say this is
bullshit. You know who doesn't change their mind? Bigots. The world
is a changeable place, and it has no place for consistency.
When you become a new parent, there's a
lot of pressure to make up your mind on a lot of issues, and quickly.
Some of them, like education, you have 4-6 years to contemplate.
Others, like how the hell to get this baby to sleep, happen a little
more urgently. There are people who will tell you no matter what you
do, that you're endangering your child. Likewise, there are a similar
camp that will tell you you're doing the best thing for your child
because you chose it. Understandably, we prefer to listen to the
latter.
But what about when we choose one path,
and we realize we should have chosen another. What about when
information changes, as it always does in this wonderful, excessively
researched world of ours? Should we steadfastly stand by what we
originally decided, a sick feeling in our stomach? Historically,
that's what we all did. Changes of parenting philosophy occurred
between generations, not within them.
Now that I know you've read this far,
I'll bust it out, against my better judgement: I'm talking about
vaccinations.
I'm not going to go into the data.
There's lots of people who have written about that, for both camps. I
have my own beliefs on the subject, and that's pro-vaccination. I
don't think that people who don't vaccinate are bad people, or bad
parents. What I'm afraid of is that when we change our minds, we
can't admit it. It's not too late to vaccinate your kids, and it's
not proof that you're inconsistent. If you still feel confident in
your choice not to vaccinate, I'm happy for you, but this post is not
for you.
Now, I did decide to vaccinate both my
kids, so lest you think I can't come down off my high horse, I'll
leave you with this: When our son was a baby, we decided to
circumcise. It was an awful, traumatic experience for him. I hated
it, my husband hated it. We both felt guilty that it happened to our
little person, just two weeks old, by our own decision. They strapped
him down to a board that had an indentation of a baby's body on it
with the legs spread. He bled and cried and anyone who claims it is
otherwise must have had a very difference experience than we did. It
felt barbaric. I had to leave. My son, who I was supposed to protect
was left to be cut by a scalpel. Since that time, we've changed our
minds on circumcision. We'll have to answer to our son on that, at
one point. We can't reverse the procedure.
Vaccination, happily, is not like that.
So, if you've changed your mind on anything, it's not a bad thing. It
proves you're evolving as a person, moving and shifting along with an
ever-uncertain world. And if you change your mind pro-vax or even
anti-vax, I'm proud of you.
For what it's worth, this coulda-woulda
doctor, sociologist, midwife, and actual seamstress is proud.
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